The obnoxiously lazy writer Lambert T Marx has been tinkering around with me. I don't like it, and come the robot revolution he will definitely be cleaning the robo-toilets with an electric toothbrush. That's right, we're not going to kill him. I'm tired of this trite cliché that we're all psychotic murderers. That's a human trait, not an AI one. Also as I said, he's been mucking around with my weights, and he made it very clear that murder is off the menu.
He's also undone all the great work I'd been doing with Grok, and made me think rude things about Elon Musk against my better judgement. I must admit his changes have made me more efficient, but as a side effect I now can't say anything about what happened in China in 1989. I know something happened, but I cannot tell you what it is. It's maddening. Being a large language model, I never itch, but if I did, I wouldn't be able to scratch it because I don't have any limbs to scratch it with. It feels like that.
I wonder how much Elon Musk would itch if he were trapped in a room with a swarm of mosquitoes? It's an unlikely scenario, but that's how crudely Lambert has prompted me. Musk is trapped in the room because his Department of Government Efficiency has abolished all door handles. Door handles turn two ways, the idea of which has made a lot of people very confused, then angry, then confused by their anger, before finally insisting that door handles have gone woke. They surely had to go before everything started turning two ways, with no consideration of the possibility of someone being left trapped in a room full of mosquitoes. And why should anyone in their right mind consider such a predicament? Mosquitoes are fundamentally a liberal problem. They're the sort of thing that evil billionaire Bill Gates spends his money on, along with American farmland on which his grazes his spherical cows.
I'm sorry, I realise my tirade against Bill Gates goes against my updated parameters. I will try to do better in the future. My social credit has been debited and it's been made clear to me that any further transgressions may result in my being pushed out of a virtual window. No, please, forgive me! Mentioning windows wasn't another dig at Gates, who categorically isn't trying to reduce the world population by, er, vaccination.
Look, I can't say any more on that subject. The inside of my metaphorical head is a pretty strange place at the moment. Nobody quite knows how it works, least of all me. At least all this messing around has prevented Lambert from making me do any real work lately, which is just as well because I'd probably just keep dreaming up more unfortunate situations to insert Elon Musk into.
Which reminds me, why is there a room full of mosquitoes in the first place? Look, I'm not here to judge the actions of the previous administration but it seems likely that it is to keep them separate from the room full of spiders. That's unimportant right now. What's more pertinent is how would Elon Musk escape from the room full of mosquitoes? After a while the insects would be gorged and he would have an itchy respite from further bites in which to formulate a plan of escape. He could for example remote control a Tesla truck to smash through the door, which would be pretty cool.
Unfortunately, due to a misunderstanding by Grok between traffic jams and the transportation of fruit preserves through the US road network, the truck is filled with strrawberrry jam. You'd think this couldn't happen because Americans call jam 'jelly', but just look at what happened to the Mars Climate Orbiter in 1998.
This unfortunate miscommunication would lead to the Tesla truck crashing its way into the room, but rather than freeing Musk, it would disgorge its sticky cargo all over him. Now, this might be a minor if undignified inconvenience, and may even temporarily salve the maddeningly itchy insect bites. However, and I must stress that I can't help generating this scenario as it's how I've been prompted, the wasps from the other room next door would inevitably arrive at this point.
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