Procrastination

Almost all writers spent an inordinate amount of time procrastinating. Any that don't are presumably too busy efficiently using their time by some magical process I cannot grasp. It can take the form of some mundane task that absolutely must be done right at that moment and is definitely more important than writing, like hoovering the flat, or cleaning the bathroom.

I'm no stranger to those options and my flat is never cleaner than when I'm supposed to be writing. However there's only so much time you can spend cleaning. My flat is tiny. For true commitment to avoiding serious time at the keyboard, you need a project. Ideally the project should be something just beyond your actual skillset. You could take this as an opportunity to learn something new. Alternatively it could become an endless source of despair as you repeatedly fail to complete it, adding deliciously to the guilt of having not written a single word during the process.

My latest project is fitting some blinds in my living room. I live in a new build flat with floor to ceiling windows that get the sun from dawn to dusk. It gets hot. Really, really hot. My previous solution was some thermal curtains and they were not up to the task. I have even resorted to attaching thermal insulation to the windows. The insulation is basically silver bubble wrap and applying it makes my flat look like a cannabis factory. Given how hot it gets, maybe I should just set up a cannabis factory.

In the interests of aesthetics I thought some blinds would be better. I have already bought some wooden blinds at some expense. They were hopelessly unsuited to the task and I sold them at a considerable loss. So far so good. The next plan is to try some cellular blinds. These concertina down to form a series of insulating cells of air. At least that is the theory. In practice I expect they will be rubbish. However before I can test them I need to make a wooden frame for them as I don't want to drill into the metal window frames. Who knows what would happen if I did that? In IT there's the notion of 'letting out the magic smoke.' I'm not sure what the architectural equivalent is, but I imagine it's horrifically expensive.

I am of course wondering what my plan is once I've wasted my time with the cellular blind. The nuclear option is to brick the fuckers up. In all seriousness I could perhaps block the lower sections. That would help perhaps? Or perhaps not. The worst of the heat is feeling it directly on my head while I'm trying to work, and that's not coming from below.

Ideally I would be able to apply a thermal film to the outside of the windows, but I've looked into that and it involves hiring a cherry picker and closing the road outside, so it's fair to say that's beyond my budget. Some sort of shutters would be good too, but the same applies there, with the added complication that the housing association probably won't allow them. There are safety implications, which I suppose is fair enough, but at this point I'm happy to sacrifice the occasional passer-by if it cools the place down a bit. I do have a portable air conditioner, and given the environmental consequences of its use I suppose I am already sacrificing strangers to keep the heat at bay.

How many strangers would I be willing to sacrifice for the sake of my own comfort? Is this a question the Pharaohs wrestled with as they considered their journey to the next world? Was a pyramid effectively the ancient equivalent of an Uber XL with the AC on full blast? I should reconsider bricking up my windows. I could be living in a modern pyramid. If location is everything, imagine the property prices in the next world.