Whenever I'm stuck with my writing, like many other writers I find doing something else for a while can really clear the creative juices. They'd certainly lift the fog enough to come up with a better turn of phrase than 'clear the creative juices', which aside from being lazy is also slightly revolting, as though creativity is a slaughtered animal being cooked to serve hungry readers. This does provide a handy segue to my recent trip to London Zoo though, where the animals are generally not dead, and any that do unfortunately hammer angrily on the reinforced glass for the last time are certainly not cooked and eaten. I'm not sure how they actually dispose of dead animals at London Zoo, but most zoos cremate the carcasses at a licensed facility and I imagine similar arrangements are in place there. Rumours that they dump them all in an undocumented shaft connected to the Northern Line are untrue, despite the persistent reports of ghostly animals at Chalk Farm following the Great Penguin Electrocution Disaster of 1927.
But I digress. On this occasion I was struggling with the resolution of a plot element. Nothing was satisfactory, or at least if a solution was satisfactory, it lacked any real spark. So while I waited for that spark to come, I took myself for a wander around London Zoo. There are of course ethical questions about the continued existence of zoos. On the one hand, they are holding animals in captivity and this can be seen as cruel. However on the other hand modern zoos do a lot of conservation work, and in some cases this is essential as the animals' natural habitat is destroyed. I tend towards the latter argument, partly because I can't handle the moral guilt of completely accepting the first argument, but mostly because look at their little faces!
While there I thought I would take notes in the hope that they may help other writers mired in their work. So without further preamble, here are a selection of the animals at London Zoo, rated for their inspiration.
- Giraffes. Their sheer height does force you to see things from a new perspective, which can be useful. They also gave me a crick in my neck, which distracted me from formulating anything of use. 5/10
- Lemurs. Here's a bit of trivia - renowned recording engineer and reformed edgelord Steve Albini was nutty about lemurs. If they were doing something for him then they must be doing something right because that man never stopped working. Unfortunately their eyes really creeped me out and I had to go for a mint Magnum. 2/10 unless you're Steve Albini, in which case 10/10
- Lions. A Swiss friend once remarked that it's funny that the UK passport has a lion and a unicorn on its cover, neither of those creatures being found within our borders. Well, we do have some lions here and if unicorns existed you bet we would have captured some and put them in a cage. It's the British way. Are lions inspirational though? That they have been used as a potent symbol of the empire for so long suggests so, and they are very striking as they prowl next the glass walls of their enclosure. However I do think they could have livened them up with a giant laser pointer or something. They are cats after all. 6/10
- Parrots. I don't know why I bothered with the parrots. You can see them almost anywhere. But I went to see them and one of them called me a c**t. It made me quite furious but no ideas were forthcoming. 2/10
- Penguins. Now happily relocated to an electricity-free environment, the penguins transition from hobbling little strivers to highly motivated torpedoes once they hop into the water. This is a terrific metaphor for the creative unblocking I'm seeking, and watching them streak through their tank is pretty mesmerising. If nothing else it's a very relaxing experience. 7/10
- Pigeons. Technically there aren't any pigeons at the zoo. They are like day visitors for the inmates, flying in and out whenever the mood takes them. I watched a flock of them converge on a small child who was leaking crisps from a poorly held packet. The child's mother was unconcerned although the pigeon numbers approached that which I imagine is enough to carry the kid away. How many pigeons would that take, I wonder? And where would they take the airlifted children? 9/10, but should have saved my money and gone to Trafalgar Square instead.
